- Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
- Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
- Nurse: "So he's your...."
- Me: "Friend."
- Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
- Me: "11."
- Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
- Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
- Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
- Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
- Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
- Me: "Uh. 0."
- Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
- Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
- Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
- Me: "With homosexuality."
- Me: "I fuck girls."
when you wake up angry in the morning and somebody says “you must have got up out of the wrong side of the bed”
my bed is up against the wall it isn’t my fault that i can only get out one side you motherfucker
I wish I knew how to love someone without killing myself. How to mend hearts without breaking my own. How to kiss and not create bruises.
I’m so glad you just said “no homo” after complimenting me
I was real worried for a sec that I’d have to bend you over a counter and fuck you.
are there actually people out there who make their beds every morning or is that just a myth